I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
