theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
