Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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