1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize