You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
