Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
