I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
