Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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