His hands were made for my vagina.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
