i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize