Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
