just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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