Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You took a bar mat shot.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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