Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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