"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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