So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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