don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
