The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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