My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize