I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
