I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
