I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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