At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize