It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
