i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
