Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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