Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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