I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
