He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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