I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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