he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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