the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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