And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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