dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
