Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
