I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize