even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
