I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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