You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
