I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
