Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
