So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
