At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
