There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
