who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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