WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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