just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
