I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
