she looked like the before picture.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
