I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize