Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
