your thong is hanging out like whoa
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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