Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i drank out of a bidet.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
