I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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