Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
