Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
