This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
