she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
