Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
