True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
