I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
