I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
