Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
