she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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