Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
