I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just found puke in my bra..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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