my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
