found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
