absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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