Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
