I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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