God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize