Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
