Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
