u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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