I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
