yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
