I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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