oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize